I don’t do mistakes owkay maybe I do but I cover them up when I do but its how I survive. But quite frankly im perfect most of the time. That is when compare myself to every single human being around me.
      I think everything is a competition in its own way n I love being in charge  and being the best…..that’s just how I am its not a problem I mean why would I have a problem with looking at all this trophies in my room…
    I just remembered the feeling when I got my first award. I was only six. Its almost 20 years ago but I still remember it. Being on the national championship spelling bee. I spelt the last word A-M-N-E-S-I-A…Amnesia  and everyone waa up giving me that much esteemed standing ovation. Its ironic how the most memorable moment of mu life is word representing loss of memory.
       That night when I took that cup and the certificate I knew for sure I wanted  to be the best at all times. Well till this moment ive been more that hust the best ive been perfection.
    My only problem is now I don’t know how to take loss how am I to deal with being second best. I simply can’t deal with not being good enough. That’s ehy rinnah I feel like dying because today I learnt that I wasnt good enough. I wasnt good enough for his love for his care…….im not the best for him.

I’ve tried everything changing my likes and desires to please a man. The agaony of seeing a perfect man take another is like strufgling to pass thick thread through a tiny needle…. I know its pathetic I mean a whole me strong woman being broken by a man.! Its a shame I cant accept yet the reality is there so crystal…..I AM PERFECT BUT I WILL NEVER BE PERFECT….No one ever will

My yearning for perfection may be chasing the wind but its my survival tactic. Ill keep struggling and probably one day ill be perfect perfect enough for me.


Legitimately jerrykariuki