Safe… that’s the word that suits best what I feel when he is with me. Its probably cause he looks so masculine  and tough.Also I know he has a dark side n that makes me feel protected. Its probably what Louise lane feels every time she’s with superman. Like the world can’t hurt her and if anyone dared they’d face a fate worse than death.
   That’s what he does to me he doesn’t even need to speak. Well hes a very secretive man with all him emotions and feelings but one look from him and I know ill be fine that hes taking care of me. Sometimes I feel as if he  has a detector to tell when I’m scared or uncomfortable.
    He knows my fears like how speed scares me so I always sit back left in a car n I’m silent most of the trip. Hoe strangers get me uncomfortable so I avoid meeting new people or when I do I act busy on phone. He knows all the abuse I have been through n understands why sometimes I cant love myself. With all this knowledge he keeps it to himself.
   The apparent bad boy and heartless heartbreaking player seems to be my safe haven. Everyone tells me to put off even part of my subconscious but I still stay. I stay because of that touch on my body-not those sexual ones. He is modest with me. The touch of his hand on my hand when he senses I’m not okay. How he gently plays with my fingers to remind me he is still there.  How he presses my hand and my tears go back.
  Most girls want a sultry man romantic passionate n all those things but I want a man who gives me the feeling I had when my father kissed me goodnight on my forehead and promised me that night..the boogeyman wouldn’t come…and I believed it. Its probably because I never felt safe since you know-sometimes business can make daddy leave his princess. So I missed out on that safety I had to teach myself how to fight the boogeyman. Had to carry pepper spray to avoid repetition of abuse.Then after all that I meet a man n with just a look the boogeyman doesn’t even come. With a touch I know that no one will dare touch me. With his breath on mine I feel for a moment like I can stop holding a breath I didn’t know I was catching.
   That is why I would stay with this man though hes complicated and sensitive secretive ,rough, temperamental and sometimes even judgemental. Because I just want that feeling the feeling I got when daddy kissed my forehead. The feeling that I would be safe. That I was protected.
  
#diaryof1000girls
》GiRl 8

legitimately jerrykariuki

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