The memories rarely fade away. Sometimes they just move to the subconscious because even the mind knows what secrets to keep. I can remember every single touch every single word spoken to me. I could count his breathing and tell you whats going on in his head . some things feel to real to be true. Like how someone actually saw me as more than a friend. The concoction of lust and feeling accepted was like an acrid acid I couldn’t resist to touch.
So I took the darker path. I let my guard down silencing my cautious self trying to break from my planning obssesion and doing something spontaneous. Truthfully those few moments in his arms felt like a decade of a happy marriage. Then the truth burried deep within my subconscious pops up and each time his lips are on me I am choked with nausea.
“Shh…stop reminding me” I command my mind but ofcourse it wont listen.
“That’s a married man you are with . This is someone else’s happiness you are experiencing” it repremands me bluntly
Then I start thinking about her about what she is going through because of me. She probably doesnt even have a clue that I could be that dangerous-Honestly until afew weeks ago I didnt know I had such power within me. I make a couple of accounts of explanations of what I could tell her but honestly I cant say much.
If she ever knew how much I am sorry that her man makes me happy. So sorry because I can’t stop him from being with me since its the only time I feel alive. Sorry that sometimes I wish she could just disappear and I can keep him all to myself. But I also hate her because he loves her. Because he would choose her over me and I wouldnt have a right to even raise a finger.