I see you over there smiling at me like i mean everything.Wait…you actually said i mean the world to you. My head translated that to everything. A couple of years i felt like knew you more than the dog you got at age three. Hold up! You said since i saw that photo. That means it hasnt been three months. It has been six. Since April  I mean thats simple maths.

Ive figured out preety crazy algebra but somehow i couldnt figure this out for half an year. Half an year of love trust and honesty on a level that nearly felt telepathic . All that just gone because you were too ‘scared’ to tell me at first. I always told you all i wanted was you to be happy. That you fibd that blissfull joy that has no regrets. That was all. Was it that hard to believe me. To know that honestly id be fine.

Well away from the noise. She is beautiful. Better than i thought you would ever pic but i guess part of why we have been friends is the same fine taste in life. Shes everything I’d want for you everything apart from one thing. She is not me. I sound crazy at this moment I just realised i am going back abd fourth in this. Oh my God! I just remembered how you did it the first time. It was Sunday you had abit to many you were from seeing her and suddenly the guilt inside you intoxicated you more than the liqour you had been drowning in. It was late almost midnight when I saw that pop up light. I saw that name on my phone. My favourite human was calling me so i picked up only to hear you drooly as you said

“I’m sorry. You were right you know me so well. Its true something is going on between me and her…just a month…noo i asked her two months ago…i think July…. Okay no it was in April…..I wanted to tell you….I’m sorry….its not that simple…..*silence ..yes i do…but i love you too….its not you dear…its just that…well…I’m sorry” and i hang up after convincing you i was okay.

Well I think i was okay I thought i was because my subconscious didnt wanr the truth out. That you were my best friend and i hoped that one day i would wake up to your face next to mine. That i would wake up to a bunch of kids and pet in OUR house. Wake up to see a ring on my finger to signify your love. It was worse when i figured that was you too. In August you were talking of moving in together. Then September you did it for the first time. You actually hurt me so bad i wasnt sure I’d leave the icu of emotions.

I am not crazy i mean this text might feel crazy because it is 2 am in the morning but i dont think its crazy. I had yo write it because today you did it again. Just when i thought i had healed the first wound you came back and slashed me up. I’ve been waiting for you from 10 am i still am and I’m freezing .you havent called. You didnt even text i swear even just snapchatting me would have felt better. Because now I’m back to step one. I am not over it. I am still holding pieces of pain

Over 590 words and i still text i should have emailed this…well its simple this is what i should have typed about 600 words ago. I’m over it. Im over you enough to love the girl honestly enough to pray that she makes you happy. I’m over you enough to hope that yall last for a very short period. So over you that if you say sorry i will forgive you that if you ask me I’ll even put the ring on myself. I am so over you that i wrote all this and i havent touched a bottle of wine.so you can imagine if i was actually drunk.

#diaryof1000girls

#girl11

 

 

 

 

Advertisements