…Today is different,something had changed . I am not sprawled on the ground helplessly accepting my fate. I am not paralysed by pain and numbness. I can feel and i can see. I see my former companion from a mirage. I think I’m fading fast. I convince myself to count to ten to stay awake.
One…two…three…fffffor…ssss… I am gone. As i said this time it is different its not a falling pit of darkness i see something form. It is hard to place exactly what it is. But I feel the strange attraction. I am drawn to it in a way I cannot explain with words. Maybe this is why I’ve been driving on this road all this while because it called me and sometimes i was too loud to hear or too blind too see. I think i probably speed to fast that this voice is more of a careless whisper than the symphony it currently is.
Instinctively, i creep closer careful not to hurt my limp body I can still feel the sting but it is masked by this presence the closer I get and I think the disconcerting presence is not a what but actually a person. I am afraid as I move closer but with each step my heart relaxes my aura is lifted and the craving comes back the adrenaline intoxicates me and there’s this certain rush like electricity in my veins. Probably oxytocin gushing through my cells but I do not care. I know i want whatever it is he has to offer me.
Finally I am before his presence and I am completely naked. Not nude but naked. I am fully clothed but my soul is undressed. He can see me. He can see all my scars all my wounds. There is nothing I can hide. He see’s my dreams and my deepest fears. At that moment I feel completely uncovered yet in all that fear is not my first reaction. Instead I feel safe. In his eyes I find peace yet I see so much.
He has soulful eyes. The type that tell a tale. A tale of love and anguish. He carries the world in his eyes. Maybe its why I cant look yet I want to stare. We have a wordless conversation. We are in a state of pure bliss. Throwing all caution out the window I decide to touch him. Maybe his touch will heal me, free me from the pain. I think he will stroke my skin with a perfectly rough hand in the most tender way and I will quiver and get lost in the moment. I look up to him and smile ready to dive into his embrace. He looks down and finally i see it. He stands less than a foot away but i cant seem to move I’m fixed to the ground.
Disappointed want to cry. I thought I was finally there- with what my heart longed for-with my perfect peace. I was so close yet so far away. Instead he looks into my eyes and smiles. Like a fool I forget my current predicament and stand there lost in the moment. Contented with a temporary forever.
Ssssix…seven… I gradually drift back to reality only to see myself where my concussion had left me. It was a dream but my subconscious new something. A secret it was trying to reveal to me. It has answered my questions.
The pain is back I groan, clench fists , let out a silent scream. It is then that I realise I am standing at the edge of a cliff. The wind is blowing on my skin and I am one step away from my doom. Or am I? I literally drove myself to the edge. One more step n I’m off the cliff. I remember magical encounter and I am even more disturbed. Should I let go? Dive in hoping that he is down there? Or do i go back ? Do I turn around and limp my way back? How badly to I want my soul to live? How tired am I of that road?
#GIRL 19 chapter2