She knew she was beautiful. That was one of the first things she had ever come to believe in at an early age. She was truly beautiful. At first it was said in a casual way but with time people would say it out of awe ,conviction and the occasional jealousy.
With that in mind, her life plan felt complete. She would be the face of a huge brand by her mid teens. She was sure she would be prom queen and in the end she would marry one of those rare smart athlete people who settle into politics or diplomacy when it is time to retire. On the other hand she knew she would do something to help people. Probably start a foundation or be a cosmetic surgeon. She would shower the world with joy and kindness.
As established, she was beautiful and this is why in her mid twenties what she was going through did not add up. She was twenty four reading yet another ‘ I am sorry,this won’t work text.’ At this point she had dried out her supply of tears. She had been crying since she was thirteen. They all agreed that she was beautiful both physically and her soul too but they still left her.
At auditions they all agreed that she was beautiful yet she never got a call back (was is not enough). In one job interview she was apparently too beautiful to qualify. What people craved for so much she felt was a curse. She wanted to be more than just a symbol of an adjective. To be more than a revelation that creation was certainly an art. She wanted at least one YES in her life from any parameter but nonetheless a positive review. She needed assurance that all that ‘beauty’ meant something. She needed to get a job offer that was not conditioned to some sexual favour.
The truth was, as time went by, with each: broken promise ,lost opportunity, failed task, rejection, heartbreak she felt a piece of her go away. So that when someone would tell her she was beautiful she would doubt them. She was sure it was a lie they made. A conspiracy the universe had a against her. Because when she looked at her life ,the picture she had in her head was hideous. When she looked through a mirror the reflection she saw looked uglier each time.
They said she had been formed by a glass of sunshine dipped in rainbow but her heart was slowly turning cold and pitch black with not even a drop of light.