It can happen… It actually does happen…It happens to the best of us…It was happening to her. She got to that point when she realised she wasn’t the victim. She had to take the consequences she had bern brewing all along. Her so called white hat was never white.

   She was walking through the glassware aisle in the supermarket. The lights went out for practically a minute. The darkness always made her panick. There was a mixture of noise for a moment which was followed by an uncomfortable silence. The lights flickered back and there she was .Struck still in shock by the realisation of her situation. She had a bunch of excuses to make. She was ready to play defense but something stopped her. A  small boy  was humming actually it was more of chanting. He held on to the ground firmly and repeatedly chanted ‘It’s all in my head…’ Over and over with his eyes closed.

She looked down at her feet and saw the scarlet stain forming. How had she made such a mess in such a short while. She was numb to the pain but knew that would soon change. She had broken a bunch of glasses and tredded on them. Her hands were slowly dripping blood and it dropped down to join the rest of the pool forming on the ground.

The voice on the public a dress said it was an earth tremor and that everyone was to stay calm and slowly exit the building. The little boy finally opened his eyes.  Their eyes met  and she burst into tears. He was so young yet so brave. While she was still hiding behind walls of defensively.

She was so used to people telling her all will be well. People always understood her and threw a pity party. She had loved the comfort of it and learnt to use it as a barner of weakness.  When the pain finally kicked in she crouched down until she was seated. The paramedics would be there any minute. They would walk in and rescue the victim of the earth tremor. Yet again she would be a victim.

All those years of  blame games when she lost the beauty pageant she blamed the judges for thinking she was too short. Few years down the line she lost the man and made herself the victim of a seductress. At Alcohol anonymous she said it was the miscarriage and not her fault.The lost job was because of a bad economy and the spoilt milk sitting on her kitchen counter…that was definitely because the housekeeper didn’t put it in the freezer. She had mastered the art if being a victim. Her years of promiscuity were not her fault. It was all those wrong awful men.  She remembered loosing that perfect guy.She said he was a jerk but totally ruled out her constant petty insecurities.Her insecurities which she blamed on the two years she was bullied. She decided the bullies were the problem and not the lies she had been making.

 Finally the paramedic got to her and when she was asked if she was okay she thought for a moment. She was not in so much pain. The shattered pieces of glass  piercing through her skin opened her eyes. In those shards she saw the fragments of her life. She broken pieces she had dropped around while she stumbled down.

‘I’m okay. I panicked and did this but Im okay. Thank you.’ She said when she was wheeled onto the ambulance. She meant every word of it because she was now looking for a new way out of the pile of broken glasses she had walked into. She was done sitting in the pool of blood and glasses blaming the whole world for even what was her own fault. Her world of darkness was finally getting light and this time. It was also her own damn fault.

inspired by Fragments by Jaymes Young.

#girl27

#diaryof1000girls

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