We all go through this stage in life. I believe some of us go through it their whole lives. It is the power that feeds ones desire for life. The unlucky lot is driven to death by the same.
They say the truth sets us free but I believe that there’s always that one lie. A lie that we believe is so real a lie that we hold so dearly we have convinced yourself it’s the truth. It has become such a powerful truth that we are compelled to put it up on the esteemed list. The list of one’s principles and priorities. The list in which norms of how we live are set.
Then there’s that game. Where we tell a bunch of statements about us and expect others to pick out the lie. I always win when I play it. Simply because I’m convinced nobody truly knows me. When I play two truths and a lie nobody can ever be right. I just have to change my opinion.
After years of soul searching I realised I have been feeding myself the lie of all lies. Convincing myself that I live to no ones expectations. Despite all my efforts to go against my nature. The one ‘truth’ in my game of lies has always been a lie.
Fate had it that I tragically start to discover my true self after two decades of being a hopeless wanderlust. Helplessly clinging onto every straw to save my limp body from drowning in my own confusion. There I was preaching to anything that could listen. Explaining how I would not live up to anyone’s expectations yet I was the very core of my being.
I was the girl who ruined her first kiss because her mother said you shouldn’t kiss before your wedding vows. Trapped in a career I disliked to proof that a girl raised my men could still be a lady. Married to the second best option because what my heart wanted was not what a beautiful girl like me deserved. When I thought it was too much and I wanted to end it all…I couldn’t. My lack of success in suicide was not driven by a passion for life. It was driven by the thought of my legacy. People know me as a brave courageous woman. Such bravity cannot go down through suicide. So I lived on to prove to them that indeed I am brave. Being alive is a testimony that I live up to their expectations.
The worst prison to be in is one you create for yourself. Creating walls only you can see so nobody is ever going to break them. You just have to wait yourself out to realise the damage and be the wrecking ball.
Inspired by: Damon Salvatore (a character in the The Vampire Diaries) in season 3 episode 19. ‘When you do good things,people expect good from you and I don’t want to live upto anyone’s expectations.’ (Quotation not accurate).
#girl 28 🙂