She always knew she was beautiful. She also knew she wasn’t all that. I mean she was striking but you could easily find someone more attractive in a room. According to her she was kind of the number two hot girl. The one who looks good but there’s always someone better. That was what she truly believed. Life had led her to accept that.

 She questioned one thing. How could she still end up being some sort of sex symbol. At some point she blamed herself. After all she had made a few bad desicions like having to many first kisses. She made the point to improve be better maybe make men see her as one of them. Her plan was simple. She would be one of the boys fit in with them until they couldn’t tell she was a bra wearing human.

 The project was going on perfectly. I mean she was even invited for game night and occasionally hosted it. No doors were opened for her and they’d even pull of the seat prank. She was one of the boys. Only slightly prettier.

   Sometimes life is just a moon cycle. There’s the period after the new moon when there’s some light. It then goes all the way into a full moon when all is do beautiful. Then suddenly, BAAM! darkness.

Her phone rang late afternoon more of the evening. She answered it and he asked her to go over he didn’t even censor the words when he told her what he wanted. She couldn’t hung up, she just put the phone away. Those tears rolled down in such a sting. Nothing had changed. Something was definitely wrong with her.

She knew this because all the guys she knew had to get to that point. They had to ask her those same nasty questions or touch her in those ways. Sometimes she liked how it seemed like love. The guys who wanted her so bad show picked girls to be with and shed be left with a string of questions and nobody to answer.

  She hated it when it was the close ones. The ones that were like brothers. Those ones who just wanted to be friends but thought it was fun if they had more priviledges.

 He had talked to her about girls he liked. How he took them out on dates and got anxious before asking them out. Why couldn’t she get that? Why couldn’t she be the girl who got the guy, the one who was introduced to friends?

   She had been hidden in all sorts of ways: under beds,out of windows, in balconies. She had always been that thing that could be put away. She just wanted to be a person for once. She wanted the luxury of trust. It was the one thing she couldn’t afford because they all thought the same thing. She knew they would never see the person.

#Girl 31

#diaryof1000girls.

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