They didn’t fit! None of them fit!Last pants in my closet and they didn’t fit.
Since I was in a rush I slipped on some leggings and a long shirt and rushed down for breakfast. I’ll skip all those details of exactly what I do on a typical day when I’ve got classes. A little sneak peak though I always snooze the alarm and always leave the house running.
I sat at somewhere in the middle of the lecture hall battling the sudden storm of sleep that I had. Soon started playing X and O’s with myself then my pen dropped and as I picked it up I realised I wasn’t wearing matching socks.
There’s always that moment on some days where im hit with some form of wisdom and I end up going philosophy mode on it. The moment came. I passed by a mirror and for a split second I thought my reflection was a whole different person.
That girl was dressed down, her hair was not tied up and she had uneven eyeliner. I realised at that moment that my body wasn’t what it used to be. The tummy fat was visible and I could feel a bit of sweat on the love handles and back cellulite I had. I was sweating from going up stairs to one floor up. Come to think of it I had taken a real breakfast in the morning and was about to go to the cafeteria. Who was I?
In all honesty I had spent all my life working on my looks. I always worked out, thought twice before eating, never dressed down and would be caught dead with uneven eyeliner. That was my life all through until about a month ago when subconsciously I had let go. I was saying yes to that piece if cake, yes to that extra episode at two in the morning and no to self control and waking up at five for the cardio.
It could be argued that I had slacked and it was bad. I had honestly lost my nearly perfect body and by standards I had set I looked like the ‘die alone’ starter pack. Amidst all the thoughts of regaining my glory one thought crossed my mind. In that month I had truly been happy.
True enough I had stopped doing some important things but I had explored too. I was eating food without thinking of the calories, living life as my first priority, i no longer lived by the standards of the crush I wanted to notice me, for just one month I had been doing me.
I might have lost almost all my aesthetically appeal but I knew what food I liked most, i knew that sometimes its worth it sleeping for two hours only cause of binge watching a series. In my slacking I made relationships that were legitimate and true. My slack month had lost my body but I had found myself.
The big dillema is finding that perfect balance between the waist trainers and the train of life ( I swear I ran out of rhyming contrast). Maybe all the concealer we have makes us loose clarity (nailed it). We contour the wrong foundation and loose our ground. In the end we are just beautiful ruins.
I seek to find that balance. To get to that point where I can do both. Enjoy my life and look good while at it.be a good person and still be fabulous. It should never be a choose one situation. I just wanted to be the girl who likes to hear him say she’s beautiful but doesnt need to hear it.