Why are you like this? You’re doing  this to yourself and you don’t even realise it. Slowly torturing yourself. Torture is a dance for two. You cant be giving the pain, receiving and also expect yourself to give the answers. Why do you punish yourself for the sins of others?
Are you even sure that there is indeed a sin to get wage of?  ‘

She bothers me. How she lives her life in a way that may make her seem foolish. I know she is a smart lady. It’s hard to see it sometimes based on her decisions. Trusting all the wrong ones and doubting the best that the world could offer. She believes in something she can’t see. Searches for treasures in empty quaries.

Maybe the problem is the world that surrounds her. It taught her to never trust yet she is expected to give second chances. Her mind leads her to making choices that are questionable. She holds on to the reason that breaks her. He had been in her life for long enough long enough for her to know who he was. Yet she convinces herself that she is missing something. She is stuck  fighiting  a war that had already been lost.

She defends his lies and avoids the truth. All this she does in an attempt to find the truth. At the same time she pushes too hard on all the wrong walls. The good ones get  destroyed in the debris while the remaining percentage has to flee. That has been the story of her life. The detective who tried to win solved cases. The worst part being that she has no idea what she is doing.

 when will your eyes open? That the blindness may stop, that you may gain some insight to notice what is true sight. When will you realise that you’re loosing a battle you started? That your enemy is also the commander in chief of your army.

You think you seek the truth. All you do is try make truths that suit you. The type that are fitting to soothe your broken heart. ‘

All I wish for her is that solution. The thing that will wake her up and give her what she truly wants. The actual truth. That which is not a facade. It hurts that I cannot be that for her because I land on those she burried in the storm. Those she buried while trying to punish and save.

 beautiful the day will come. The transparency you seek will be clear as day.  For your sake I do hope some bridges will still stand. That you will ask the question the world is asking you.

Why are you picking locks on open doors? ‘

# girl 35

#diaryof1000girls.

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