She was ten when she first seriously thought of what she wanted in the future. She had a perfectly clear vision of how it would go. That vision drove her to do everything that she did. It was the dream she dreamt. She never anticipated her sweetest dream would one day be a haunting nightmare.

  She knew that by twenty five her dad would be walking her down the aisle. She would be getting married to the love if her life after almost a decade of loving each other. She would also be a successful and influential public figures. Ten year old her did not anticipate the situation she was in.

  She had never thought she would be sitting opposite her third psychiatrist trying to get fixed. They all said the same thing. Told her she was chasing a dream she couldn’t have. She knew they were right but she couldnt admit it. Admitting theu were right would be agreeing to loss and failure.

 The thought of failure is enough to make one try the impossible. She planned on  having her dad walk her down yet he aisle though he was six feet under in a beautiful garden. She was on the clock for something she couldn’t fix. That person she was supposedly going to get married to hadn’t even showed up in her story yet.

 She felt like she was in an hourglass. One which had been   suddenly shaken and she was part of the sand. She was sinking in what felt like quick sand. Running out of options ,running out solutions. Everything seemed to be moving too fast for her to make the right desicions.All she had was doubt.

 There was only one way out of it. She had to push the walls untill the hourglass tipped over. Then she could start all over again. Get a new dream and see a new vision. One that that was  maleable to the effects of life that she couldn’t control.

That is the funny thing about life. We are such slaves of the future. With almost no control just dreams and prayers we make hoping that we will be granted what we seek. All our efforts are subject to so many variants there’s not much we could do. Because it is at that time ,when we realise we had played all the wrong moves, when we are running out of sand ,that we’ve got to make a drastic change. Go back to the drawing board and make a new battle plan.
#girl 36.

#diaryof1000girls.


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