I’m pretty sure the tittle got some of you secretly praying for me. Specifically if it happens to be an African mom (like mine) intersession has began to chase demons away. So let me clear things up….
I recently realised a huge percentage of girls and women I talk to are really shy when it comes to sexuality. It was funny at first how we say bad manner instead of sex and just call sexual body part in the greatest and weirdest euphemisms ever. On the other hand the guys have met talk about sex so openly and they’ll talk about that ‘fine ass’ when they see it. Clearly something wasn’t right.
Well I’m going to speak from a point of view I understand. I am an African specifically Kenyan girl. All through out my growing up sexuality has been awkward to speak of to a point it feel wrong. You hit puberty and you are told not to show yourself to men, men are more sexual, be careful all men want is sex, don’t walk around men… This list goes on and on. When for sure those are not facts we end up believing in them.Its not such a wonder so many women don’t believe in love. How could they when they are raised to fear those they should love…
Then when you get all curvy you have to go through the stress of hiding all that because well… You shouldn’t show yourself. All this results in production of wonen who are so shy and embarrassed of their sexuality. This is how it’s awkward for them to help younger girls be comfortable in their sexuality and the vicious cycle continues.
So we don’t talk about sex ,we don’t talk about how we feel when people touch us in certain ways. As a result so many young girls get sexually assaulted and don’t even know it happened until much later. There’s also the shame when a girl is feeling all horny and because she’s been raised to know such urges are wrong she just tries to suppress it. Then when she starts falling in love she doesn’t know what to do with such feelings.
So yes maybe it’s time we raise young women to know it’s not a shame to be sexual. That having big titties don’t mean you a whore. That it’s okay to wear pants that fit you and all that ass can be flaunted. It’s high time women realised that this euphemism we put is one of the reasons why so many young girls get unwanted pregnancies, messy abortion, sexually violated,low self esteem and so many other issues.
It starts with ending the whole slut shaming. Which unfortunately is done by women. It’s also about saying things straight up. Don’t raise a girl telling her sex is wrong how in the hell is she supposed to enjoy it when the time comes while at the back of her mind she’s picturing her mother in SMH mode. Don’t raise a girl to fear men and think of them as beasts. Her father is a man and her brothers,her male cousins- are they beasts too?
It is such things that make girls who get raped not report because a part of them is ashamed and the other guilty. Guilty that she feels she brought it on herself. So let’s do it…let’s talk dirty let’s go for lunch and comfortably talk with our girls about contraceptives, about family planning ,about how hot we are, about how we like having sex appeal, about how sometimes we get all thirsty… That’s how it’s starts and we can fix issues. We can have women who love being women and in turn know to love. Women who don’t have to swim in shirts and leggings cause they are ashamed of showing of their curves. Let’s be the type of women who can have a sex talk with a boyfriend or husband or girlfriend or wife without sounding like five year olds.
I can’t wait to be sitting with my friends from both genders and comfortably talk about sexual stuff. It shouldn’t just be boy talk. I mean they’re talking about us why can’t we chip in why can’t we talk about them too. This way we fix so many issues.
‘your sexuality is like a crown a piece of you that should be a cause of pride and not shame. Anyone or anything that tries to hide that crown or belittle it has to be shut down.’ Jerry Kariuki
….my ancestors must have been summoned by now to fix this disgrace. And oh they have turned in their graves. (I’m just making fun of African mums not disrespect intended. I love my mom in all her dramatic nature).