Are you okay with this?

She had  heard it all .Different versions of what should and what shouldn’t be done. The people who unknowingly condemned her and those who shamed her. She had done it all cried herself to sleep, stayed awake for weeks, eaten her feelings, starved herself. She had punished herself way more than anyone could. She just needed a way to deal with that loss…a way to cope.It’s a whole different kind of loss when what you loose is yourself. Whether it’s complete loss or a part of you it’s a type of pain that can’t be explained. She felt empty and so many years down the line she could still remember every second of the worst days in her life. She found herself re-living those moments and going through the pain, shame,fear,anger,hate,guilt and loneliness over and over again. What was done could not be undone and it changed her forever.

The faces of those who took what she valued most were vivid in her mind. Some were strangers others unfortunately people she knew. She never told anyone (again) after the person she confided in had quickly found way into the list of people assaulting her. In all her struggles she was happy that people spoke more about rape and all forms of sexual assaults. However it was devastating how quickly the victim could become the villian.

There’s a rising number of women between sixteen and and twenty four being sexually violated. A rising number of girls who think making love and not simply being (pardon my language) fucked only exists in movies. A rising number of young women who miss out on love because their idea of love has been corrupted. Women who are so scared,bitter,angry,empty,sad, weak and lost. Women whose identity is lost.

What were you wearing? Did you say no?Are you sexually active? Do you have more than one sexual partner? Were you sober? Did you moan? Did you fight back? We’re you a virgin?Did you go to his house willingly?.….. Isn’t it obvious we are asking the wrong questions? That we are sending out out the wrong messsage. That instead of teaching young men to respect and love women we are teaching young women to be scared and that they should be cautious around men. Instead of teaching on asking for consent we basically say that a man has no control over his sexual urges (which is a lie).

It’s clear that what counts as consent is unclear to many. That so many young people have no idea what their rights are to a point that some discover they’ve been abused years after the abuse.  The lack of proper sex education leading young hmen and women to commiting sexual offences without knowledge. It’s time we teach our young men to pause and ask for consent. To teach them that sometimes the girl is too shocked or maybe too drunk to say no and taking a moment to see her body language can make all the difference. Time to teach women that they have a right to say no ,that they have every right to find pleasure in sex,that men too have control in the same way that they too can get all hot and bothered.

 I want  a world where my son will have a drunk girl in his bed yet not lay a finger on her inappropriately. A world where I can understand that my man ain’t up for things going down and I’ll respect that. A world where a girl with a bad reputation is dignified with the question ‘is this okay’

There is so much information now about sexual assault how to stop it,how to prevent it and how to deal with  survivors. TV.shows such as 13reasons why, broken vows, The Quad,make it or break it and more highlighting these issues. Books articles,art and even music on this topic. Ignorance shouldn’t be a plea anymore.we all have power to make a difference it’s  as simple as this: YOUR MOVE



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