From what he had told me about her I felt as though I knew who she was. He had given me a very graphic description of who she was. Exploring her soul with vivid words to the point I found myself desperate to meet her. To set my eyes upon this magical creature and get the light that she was spilling out.At first, I had assumed he was trying to get me jealous. That it was the testosterone pushing him to make a point. To make the world aware of his achievements. I was sure he was trying to make me realize how much I was missing in life, reminding me that I didn’t have such adoration in my life. Making me question all the affection I had ever felt.My understanding of the situation gave him every right to brag and be egocentric about the situation.
I, however, was far from the truth. His constant ramblings about her were not to show off what he had. He wasn’t even aware of his growing worship of her. He was intrigued by her in every way possible. She had become to him what religion is to some people. He worshipped her and was ready to give offer himself as a sacrifice on her glorious altar. He had become a fanatic and would give his life for hers any day. I only wondered how he must have felt. What did loving someone wholeheartedly feel like? How did it feel to be sure the empty spaces in one’s soul have been filled out?
She was obviously the luckiest girl in the world.She would probably assume that she was a gift to him and clearly he thought the same exact thing. They were both wrong as he was the gift. He was the gift. The gift that precedes the receiver. She was lucky to get a gift that had been carefully crafted to her advantage. Of course, this reality wouldn’t sink to her mind immediately. It would take her some time, maybe even years before she could be humble enough to see that heaven had smiled upon her. He, on the other hand, would forever love her in the same way he did maybe even more. He would probably never realize he was the gift and subconsciously he shall be the gift that keeps on giving. The best part is that he would love her to infinity with the humility of a pardoned criminal.
I watched him pick out clothes that he liked from the racks and pile them up on a table ready to foot the bills and a somewhat morbid thought came to mind. What if she didn’t show up as planned? what if she became someone else? What would he do next? I knew the answer to the first question. If she happened not to show up he would be a broken man. The type of damage that takes years to fix if it even takes place.He would lose himself in the waking of her death. The second scenario was a bit more complex but he offered me an answer I had not seem coming.
“There’s what I expect to get but if things change I’ll just have to paint the room a different colour. I am not excited about having a daughter. I am excited about being a dad. I want my daughter to grow up with the right type of love from a man. That no one would ever try to give her the wrong impression of love. If I get a son then I shall make sure my boy grows up to be the man I wish I had learned about earlier.”
I was jealous of the human that would be born into this mans world. He was the realization of what so many people wish they had for a dad. The type of father that is ever-present. The type of father that daughters love and that give women hope to believe in more. The type of man who wasn’t ready to be defined by the stereotypes of the universe. That little girl would be born into a cruel word but have the strongest weapon to face it. She would probably adore him up until she is a teenager when his love for her will be the cause of her worries. When he would become overprotective about her.She would find herself running back into his arms after crossing paths with a few not so great humans and he would love her still. That was the narrative he was preparing for. The type of life that many women only have in their minds.
When a young unmarried girl gets pregnant it is assumed by many that the man will disappear. This has become the story that makes sense. Spreading the knowledge that young men will run from their responsibility and those that stay will become absentee dads. The idea that men have slowly turned into poor dads has been one of the most significant ideologies of this century with a very high percentage of millennial having major daddy issues. One of the causes of unmarried women is growing up with dads that are absent or have technical appearances. We are the generation that was raised by women who had to be both dads and moms. This is not to say that we don’t have good men.
On the contrary, the fact that many millennials have been raised by women has resulted in the growth of a generation of men who are emotionally sensitized, men who can’t wait to be dads. Men who will do anything to keep the women in their lives. This is the narrative of the millennials. Where daughters come into this world armed with the gift of a loving, present, supportive and dedicated fathers. I don’t mean to say that being a dad is easy it isn’t. It requires hard work and dedication and being ready to make a mess. Being a dad means being ready to be adored by that little, being ready for her to be a teenager who you’ll disagree with, is ready to ensure she does not give up on men, being ready to protect her and eventually being ready to let her walk this earth on her own. Trusting that she will be fine and that one day she can have a man, woman, and children who you can love too. It means raising a son in love and mentorship and friendship so that he grows up to be the type of man who can love and be loved, who can find a man or woman and build a life and believe he too can be a good dad if he wants to.
It is also the responsibility of women to ensure that this type of man does not go extinct.We must empower our friends and brothers to be better. We cant go around expecting them to know better yet we keep spreading the gospel of ‘men are Trash’. We need to embrace the individuality of every man treats each man without bias. Eventually, we shall have the type of world we crave for. Before you interact with someone new clear out your mind from all biased thoughts and you’ll be surprised at how similar we all are in our difference.