I forgot to love you

They both had a yearning for something, a treasure that allowed them the grace to tolerate harsh wounds. She couldn’t trace back to when they had begun fighting, it was a battle that had left both sides scarred. The fort she had built seemed to hold ground and her enemy could not get to her. The journey into victory was haunted by a fading opponent. One who, at first, was vigilant in the struggle but eventually fought with the spirit of a gladiator with nothing to lose. The opponent had been hacking at spots for years but nothing would budge. Eventually, the loud hacking turned to a distant relentless buzzing. Suddenly, after ages of hacking a crack formed, pieces from the wall crumbled like ash and they saw each other.

The feeling was new, yet it had a safe familiarity to it that distorted her senses. She felt something surge through her, unlocking her mind. Confronted by each other the truth leaked through her like acid. The truth was clear,  it accused her with a pitiful apologetic undertone. She felt a strong connection with the adversary allowing her a moment to explore the girl. She looked up to the piece of art that stood before her, covered in nothing but the truth on her skin, the girl was enchanting. There was something unnatural about her. Despite her beat state, she had an innate beauty. Impulsively, her hand moved from the hem of her towel as she reached out to the girl’s hand. The towel dropped to her feet with a natural caution, it seemed to understand that it was the audience of an extraterrestrial occurrence. Their palms crushed into each other on the cold surface separating them from each other. As soon as they were connected the space between the sank into nothingness. They stood there transfixed to each other in the presence of the truth. 

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Anna (deerling child on Flickr)

The longer they stared at each the other the more details she noticed on the girl. She traced her hand along the girl ’s skin and cool feel the hairs on its pulse. She had blood oozing from multiple wounds, the girl’s eyes were dull with an alluring spark, her feet were wrapped in bandages that needed to retire. She touched some of the scars on the girl, some of them still sore, like the one on her chest below her left clavicle. That scar was scabbed and picked on it was the source of her broken heart. The girl’s lips were stained with pain, fear, and rage. The look on the girl’s face told tales of a war that had been going on for years. She leaned in closer, her breath and that of the girl filled each other, they took in each others essence, each others pain, joy, and the weight of their dreams consumed them. They intoxicated each other with a depth they had both craved in secret…they were one. 

How could she not have seen it sooner? The girl, the one standing before her, the one with bleeding wounds and sore scars, the one with sewn lips and tired limbs,  the girl with pain tattooed on her skin, the girl with rage in her eyes was an image of herself. She was standing in front of a full body mirror staring at what she had considered an enemy-herself. She felt a tear move down her face as she stared into her reflection. She had been fighting on the wrong battlefield, teaming up with the villains to destroy her own camp and now there she stood staring down at a beaten down version of herself.

“I’m sorry I forgot how to love you,” she said, and she meant it.

The pace of the world has also made us scared to deal with ourselves. Many of us have developed the skill of moving on showing face when we need to. The art of suppressing the “weak” is constantly being perfected by so many young people trying to make it work in this world. It is natural to be scared that life may move past us while we try to understand who we are and deal with what is going on within us.  The result is that so many people keep their emotions locked up and fail to deal with issues that bother them. We can never really move forward if we leave a part of who we are behind as true growth is holistic. It is important for us to be at a place where we are comfortable with our personality, our sexuality, our past, our mistakes, our fears and our ambitions. We live in a world that makes us scared of trust, love, or any other emotional projections. It is a world where being vulnerable is taken as weakness. We learn how to fit into by making sure everyone is comfortable and many times this has led to us neglecting ourselves. Taking care of our mental and emotional selves can be hard but it is an important journey that we need to embrace. We also need to give others room to work on who they are without the fear of being left behind. Whitney had it right “learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

#girl 75

#diaryof1000girls

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